Knowledge » Gay Life ::..

The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex

Stephen Goldstone











Anal Pleasure and Health - A Guide for Men and Women

Jack Morin. Yes Press, 1981

Key Elements: This book contains research into the subject of anal sex from a personal user friendly and clinical point of view and can be used by anyone who is interested in the topic for personal knowledge, to have better anal sex or to understand more about the topic to professional reasons. The book also includes research into how personal therapy was used to help individuals to feel more comfortable having anal sex. Contains few facts from an American perspective and the chapters also have a part on how to experience what is covered in each specific chapter.

Chapter One - Anal Pleasure and the Anal Taboo
The history and social background of the anal sex taboo, and the possible functions of the anal sex taboo
Chapter Two - The Anal Taboo and the Helping Professionals
Anal taboo in medicine, and taboo is psychology and counselling and their history in those fields is covered. Sex therapy and anal concerns (what they generally think about the topic and taboos that one may be holding on to), includes reducing anal tension.
Chapter Three - How to Use This Book
The structure of the book, how it's to be used and the other relevant points to consider when using the text
Chapter Four - Looking and Touching
Self-exploration of the anal area (and ideas of how to develop a better relationship with your anal area)
Chapter Five - Beneath the Skin
The anatomy of the anal area, this chapter includes male and female diagrams of the pelvic muscles
Chapter Six - Mind and Body
The link between emotions and the anal area also includes the anal reactions to stress
Chapter Seven - Inside the Anus
The anatomy and physiology of the anal canal, includes a diagram of the internal and external anal sphincter muscles, has information on anal douching (enemas) and lubrication
Chapter Eight - Anal Eroticism
Sexual responses and the anus includes the four phases of sexual responses with a description of the phases according to Master's and Johnson and how they relate to anal pleasure, drugs and anal eroticism are also covered
Chapter Nine - Discovering the Rectum
The anatomy and physiology of the rectum, with diagrams of the rectum and the effects that that angles of entry have on rectal penetration, fisting is mentioned, objects used for rectal stimulation are also covered (anal stimulators, candles, soft vibrators, small vibrators) with the details of how to experience the things mentioned in this chapter
Chapter Ten - Attitudes towards Rectal Stimulation
How to deal with the psychological blocks associated with anal sex, includes the psychological blocks to feces, the ideas of homophobia linked to anal sex, and the masculine and feminine identity roles socially related to anal sex
Chapter Eleven - Opening a Dialogue
How to discuss the topic openly and honestly with another
Chapter Twelve - Mutual Exploration
How to choose a partner, and ways of mutual anal discovery
Chapter Thirteen - Anal Intercourse
Includes diagrams of positions for anal intercourse, and details how experience and explore anal sex safely
Chapter Fourteen - Power and Anal Pleasure
The interpersonal dynamics that occur during anal sex, including the issues of power, symbols of power, and the sexual excitement of power, and anal sex and power
Chapter Fifteen - The Context of Anal Pleasure
The private side of anal sex, finding a physician and maintaining a private life
Appendix A: Common Problems of the Anus and Rectum
Appendix B: Research Process and Findings

Resurrecting Sex: solving sexual problems and revolutionizing your relationship

David Schnarch (2002)

Part 1: A Crash Course in Sex

Part 2:
How Sexual Relationships Work

Part 3:
Medical Options

Part 4: Couples in Search of Solutions


Note: Although this book is aimed at straight couples in monogamous relationships, there is much here that will be of immense benefit to sexual minority couples.



The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men

Bill Brent. Cleis Press, 2002

Key Elements: Provides illustrations on the parts of the body and the positions used for anal sex along with tips needed to have good anal sex. The book also has exercises for the reader to learn more anal sex, explore the topic from different points of views and to enjoy anal sex.

Chapter One
- Not in My Ass: 12 Myths about Anal Sex for Men
The truth behind the twelve biggest myths about anal sex for men
Chapter Two - How It Works and How to Work It: Anatomy and Exercise
The workings of the anorectal anatomy with diagrams and explanations of the anus, the anal sphincter muscles, the perineal muscles, also has a description and summaries of the functions of the rectum , anal canal, prostate gland, the colon, the large intestines, with techniques and exercises on how to keep them in shape, with information on how to massage the prostate gland. The female G-spot and double penetration
Chapter Three - Self-Exploration and Self Play: Massage, Masturbation, and More
Self-exploration with fingers and tools
Chapter Four - Hygiene and Diet
Basic hygiene and diet, step by step advice and devices used for rinsing
Chapter Five - Communication
How to open verbal communication can increase the likelihood of satisfying anal sex (also includes discussing safer sex and degree of risk issues)
Chapter Six - Latex and Lube
Latex and polyurethane, condoms, and lubricants
Chapter Seven - Tools and Toys
Toys, and what makes a good anal sex toy (includes varieties of butt plugs, dildos, oral beads, and vibrators)
Chapter Eight - Tongue in Cheek: Analingus
The tongue and anal sex plus health risks to consider
Chapter Nine - Penetration
Suggestions for the insertive partner and suggestions for the receptive partner with illustrations on positions for anal sex
Chapter Ten - Fisting
Myths about fisting, information for the insertive partner, and the receptive partner
Chapter Eleven - Extreme Sex: S/M, Gender Play, Festishes, Piss Play, and Scat Play
S/M and anal play - how to negotiate, gender play, electrical play, piss play, and the health risk associated with them
Chapter Twelve - Recreational Drugs and Sex
Recreational drugs - alcohol, cocaine, ecstasy, marijuana, poppers, methamphetamine
Chapter Thirteen - Anal Health
Anal irritations, hemorrhoids, anal fissures, anal fistulas, STD, Chlamydia, epididymitis, prostatitis, gonorrhea, hepatitis, hepatitis A, hepatitis B, hepatitis C, herpes, HIV, venereal warts, anal sex, pregnancy, and your anal health and well being
Chapter Fourteen - Resources
A list of books, magazines,videos, etc.

Growth and Intimacy for Gay Men: A Workbook

Written by John Dececco, PhD. and Christopher J. Alexander, PhD. Harrington Park Press. 1997.

Growth and Intimacy for Gay Men: A Workbook
is an educational workbook for gay men that covers a variety of topics, including family of origin, addiction, self-image, dating and relationships, AIDS and multiple loss, and spirituality. Each chapter provides an overview of the mental health concerns of gay men, as well as exercises the reader can do to facilitate his personal understanding of the issues covered. While the book is written in nontechnical language, making it useful to the general public, its wide selection of workbook exercises makes it useful for psychotherapists and counselors working with gay men. 

Growth and Intimacy for Gay Men is written to the reader--with brief examples from the author’s work as a clinical psychologist helping gay men. A central goal of the book is to normalize the feelings and experiences the reader has, as many gay men feel like they’re the only ones with their feelings or experiences. The book’s problem-solving approach addresses:

  • family of origin--provides exercises to identify and examine gay men’s role in the family, examine their childhood perceptions of being different, and help them map out family patterns and dynamics
  • self-image--includes self-image assessment questionnaires and written exercises that challenge the reader to look at how they’re affected by societal perceptions
  • addiction--explores why gay men are vulnerable to addictive behavior and offers strategies for change and self-assessment exercises
  • dating and relationships--covers the unique challenges faced by gay men, with exercises for single as well as coupled men
  • AIDS and mental health--provides exercises to help the reader examine the impact of AIDS on his own life and to assess the impact of multiple loss and prolonged grief

    Readers can do the workbook exercises on their own, or therapists can assign chapters and exercises as homework, with clients bringing the completed assignment to therapy for more in-depth exploration and discussion. By providing informative chapters and useful exercises, Growth and Intimacy for Gay Men becomes an avenue through which gay men can understand their identity, experiences, and goals.

Couple Therapy with Gay Men

David E. Greenan and Gil Tunnell
Guilford Press. 2002.

This book illuminates the unique needs of gay male couples in therapy and provides a practical framework for clinical intervention. The authors review the basic principles of structural family therapy and guide therapists in adapting treatment goals and interventions to better serve gay clients. Addressed are the universal issues faced by all couples in therapy, gay and straight, as well as the particular challenges gay men face in building nurturing, intimate relationships in a homophobic society. Extensive case examples and session transcripts are used to illustrate effective strategies for helping clients affirm the strength of their union, even in the absence of familial and social support; learn to resolve differences constructively; and overcome culturally conditioned barriers to connection and trust.

Web Resources

British Pakistani Muslim and Gay

More resources coming soon!


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